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 I want you so baaaad it's driving me mad, it's driving me MAD!

Anyway, other than being into a guy who lives 5 hours away, I'm turning 20 tommorow. 

Technically, I won't be a teenager anymore...but then again, I never feel like I got to be a teenager in the first place. I grew up too fast- in my eyes, I grep up when I was ten years old. I had too many responsibilities, and I learned how to take care of myself and be independent. Even now I have trouble accepting help from people because I got used to doing everything by myself.A


So tommorow I stop being something that I never was in the first place...weird.


Anyway, back to the man I want (so bad it's driving me mad)...

Sometimes I feel as if I'm wasting my time with him, and he will never see me in that way, and that frustrates me more than anything. It's as if god is playing with me- the guys that I'm attracted to are not attracted to me, and the guys that are attrated to me I'm not attracted to them.

I'm tired of it!


You make me wanna

You make me feel
Angry, but just a tad

You make my heart
Miss a beat
ache for your love
warm with compassion
nervous as hell
and overjoyed

most of all...

I hate dealing with bad situations. It's my weakness, and I know it, but whenever something bad happens, I say something like "Ponies are cute' or "do you want some chocolate?" , then I just block out the bad parts.
Well, a friend of mine is going through some bad times and I feel bad b/c I'm not really helping her get through it. I let her talk, then after she's done talking I change the subject to something light, but I don't actually talk back to her--I don't know what to say and I don't wanna say the wrong thing, but I do listen.
I feel horrible for not being better at this, but I've had my share of bad situation and I guess my brain's just not ready for more.
But I really do feel horrible.
Is the new show of my obsession.
It captures me and keeps me interested for a long, long time.

Anyway, not only does is it a show, it is also a blogging community. It has video blogs and I joined it to see what it would be like, and surprisingly, I liked it.


Everyone should watch this show- it's so real (I mean, you think it's real after you start watching it). Yes, it's one of those shows.

If you're interested, go to www.quarterlife.com and then click on 'the show' link.

or you could make a profile there...whatever you do, just give the show a chance. Watch it at least once- You'll love it!
It took me THREE hours to clean it up.
not to mention, three big trash bags full of shit I had no idea I was keeping
and a vacuum cleaner full of whatever it is it gathers from the carpet.
I keep on wondering- I live in a dorm and I clean up maybe once a month
(I mean the big clean ups, like behind the bed under the table; i usually just pick up after myself and do dishes weekly)
how will I keep up with a whole apartment? (which I am getting this fall)
I will not only have to clean my room, but the kitchen, the bathroom, dining room...etc.
That is going to be interesting.

on a lighter tone,
at least I don't have to worry about cleaning my room for a while now.
with the one guy you find yourself thinking of
right before you go to bed
and after you wake up
the guy whose presence in your fantasies makes you sway
and whose presence in real life is orgasmic
the guy who makes you smile

and cry
just by saying  a couple of words
or giving you that certain look
the guy that sometimes makes you speechless
and sometimes makes you blabber with no end
the guy who you wish for a glimpse of everyday
but you ignore because you are scared
they guy who means nothing to you
but everything to your heart
the guy whose touch you yearn
whose kiss you wish for
the guy you want
inside and out

So Mad!

And by 'You', I don't mean one particular person...i mean a couple of people.
They just make me mad and very, very frustrated.

It's so bad that i cant stand to be in the same room as them and i have to leave.
- I know, it sucks and it may seem like I'm being mean by walking out, but I'd rather leave than end up saying ALOT of things that will hurt their feelings.

It's my way of controlling myself.

So, as a warning- if you meet me and come to know me, and one day you see me biting the inside of my cheeks then walking out- let me be. I'll cool down, and when I'm ready I'll be back.
Who the hell are they?
are they good.....evil.....or not important enough to care for?

The thing is, they are an internship company that apparently offers students a chance to make more than 9,000 dollars each summer- I know...sounds like a scam, right?

Well, I'm not sure if I think they are a scam yet- they might be telling the truth, but then again, it might be an internship from hell.

So, here are the details I have so far:

-They've been around forEVER
-Your job is to go door to door selling books
-They take you out of state
-They have been known to make students knock door to door to find a place to live
-They are VERY controlling
-They have been banned from three (or two) schools- I'm not exactly sure
-They have been banned from Wisconsin
-It's alot of money to make, but there's no guarantee you'll make that much

So you make the decision- is the money worth all the troubles you might go through?

I'm not sure, but if I decide that it's all worth it in the end, THIS BETTER BE A FUCKING GOOD PROGRAM

And also, if it's such a great program, HOW COMES NO ONE I KNOW HAS HEARD OF IT???
In me.
for my photography class today I had my photo critique and guess what?

They liked it!

I know, I know, it shouldn't matter whether anyone likes my photography except for me, but you have no idea how good it feels when someone tells you that your pictures are amazing.


oh, I love it!


it gave my teacher goosebumps- in her exact words.

Also- in deviantart, people have been favoriting my pictures.....
feels goooood...it's guuuuuuuuuuuuud............

I had a good day.

Photography is number one of my hobbies.
It is the King, the god, the Alpha and Omega

you get it now.

I haven't been serious about it for a very long time- it's been about two years, but hey; that doesn't make me bad at it. There are times when I'm shocked at the pictures I take, but then again, there are times when I am ashamed.

I love taking picture that has to do with different lights. Candle light is amazing- my favorite, but I also like taking pictures in the sunset.

For some reason, I'm really good at taking landscapes. I guess it's a gift, but honestly, it's not what I want to do. Sure, landscape is awesome, but I like dealing with people.

I wish I could take my landscape skills and exchange them with my portrait skills.

I am getting better at everything, though and I'm actually thinking about buying some HD lenses and filters for my camera...sometime this month I'll have them.

But for now, I have promised myself to take my camera everywhere. I can't count how many times I've gone somewhere and seen a picture-perfect scene only to realize I have no camera.
That is about to change,